Self-actualization as a key to a happy relationship

In middle adulthood (age 40 to 65), research fades into the background. Instead, the focus is on consolidation and preservation. People in mid-adulthood typically find their social and professional status and want to maintain it. You feel a certain degree of clarity and stability because your life follows existing paths. At the same time, this can also lead to feeling like you have less freedom and fewer degrees of freedom. One’s path can seem predetermined, which can lead to decreased life satisfaction and is often described as a midlife crisis, but it is not without controversy as a phenomenon in the research literature.

Interestingly, lower satisfaction in midlife is also reflected in the relationship, as the results of the current meta-analysis – that is, a study across several studies – show. My colleagues and I were able to evaluate data from more than 165,000 people and observed that middle-aged people, around age 40, tend to be the least satisfied in their relationships. The reasons for this low relationship may be that the relationship has become monotonous or that negative communication patterns have become entrenched. The results of the meta-analysis also show that relationship satisfaction increases again in couples who overcome this low point. These couples want to preserve what they created together. However, this requires perseverance, insight and a willingness to work on what already exists.

In adulthood (from 65 years), preserving things becomes valuable of its own. The losses – physical and social – become more apparent, sharpening our focus on the here and now. Developmental psychologist Laura Carstensen and her colleagues describe this phenomenon as social-emotional selectivity theory: older adults view their time until the end of life as limited, and thus devote more time to their social encounters in the here and now. They derive joy and positive feelings from these meetings. This positivity is also reflected in their relationship satisfaction, because as we have already seen, relationship satisfaction increases again in older adulthood – perhaps because older couples increasingly appreciate what they have in each other and that they have each other.

love

Happy relationships require, among other things, love. But what is love exactly? According to psychologist Robert Sternberg, love consists of three central components—passion, closeness, and commitment—from which various forms of love and relationships arise. Let’s take a closer look at the three components of love and the combinations that result from them.